Making Goals
You do not have to be great at school to have a great life. I know this. But that does not meant that learning isn’t important - because it absolutely is. Foundational skills like basic math and reading are incredibly important for everyone. Whether your child goes to public school, private school, or is homeschooled - each family has to decide what works best for them.
As a parent, my goals for school differ by child. Today I want to share a little about my goals for my autistic daughter and why we have chosen the path we are on. This is not for everyone, and that’s okay. While not everyone will agree with my choices, I believe it is still important to share our story.
If you find yourself in a position where public school is your only option, please know that many of us intentionally choose it, even when other options might seem available. And if you’re someone who feels strongly against public school, I completely respect that too—each of us must make the best decisions for our unique situations.
Ultimately, we all need to set our own goals for our families and our children. For me, the goals I'm focusing on aren't just academic—they’re about the bigger picture. I want my daughter’s school experience to help her grow as a person and to set her up for success in ways that go way beyond textbooks.
Through school, I want my child to:
Improve Communication and have Diverse Social Interactions:
When my child started kingergarden, she was barely speaking. I was her constant and I could comfort her faster than anyone. As much as I cherished that bond, I wanted her to learn to communicate with other adults and kids. I wanted her to learn how to play. I wanted her to experience the joys of having friends and looking forward to spending time with them.
I could have kept her home and tried to homeschool her myself - and for many families that is a great option. Academically, I probably could have managed that. However, our local public school is fantastic. It was actually through their preschool that we were able to get the documentation we needed that eventually led to her diagnosis. The speech therapy and other services are incredible. I know this is not the case everywhere- but for us, I felt like we should at least give public school a chance.
The one thing the school could give that I could not was a constant set of peers her own age that would be available for communication and countless social settings.
The first year was interesting - a true mixture of challenges and successes. We had set-backs but so much growth! She is still learning social cues and nuance, but is much more confident in joining conversations and groups at recess. She has a great relationship with her teachers and knows who she can turn to with questions.
Don’t get me wrong - I know that there will be tough days sometimes, but I am SO thankful that she is able to have the experiences she is having and the progress she is making.
Learn How to Advocate
When she was little it did not take much to induce a full-on meltdown. In kindergarden it was normal for her to hide under the desk at least a few times a week (and those were just the times they told me about). But here’s the thing - she has come SO FAR! She’s learned to recognize if she needs a break and has the confidence to ASK for it! In fact her original IEP goal has been evolved from saying she should aim for three 10 minute breaks over the course of a school dday to aiming for just 1 minute breaks! That is a HUGE improvement! What’s more - the teachers actually champion her every time she starts a task that she did not want to do (she HATES writing for example).
The fact that she is able to recognize what she needs and is then WILLING to speak up is huge! She has the confidence to know that those needs will be met and that is creating a positive environment for her even when she is not at home. She has learned to stand up for herself in other ways as well and has even started interjecting when she sees other students being left out or ‘sad.’
Learn HOW she Learns
I do not mean for school purposes but a more in-general topic here. We all have to learn - whether its a new recipe, operating a new electronic device, etc - the ability to learn is essential. But there are so many learning styles - visual, audio, kinesthetic… I personally did not learn HOW I learned until grad school. Until that point, I just spent hours on hours trying the methods that seemed to work for everyone else. Add in the challenges that neurodivergent children face - and imagine how much more difficult it must be for them. If the humming of the fridge or the flickering of a hallway light are distracting to me - I KNOW it is impossible to ignore for others. So what methods can we use to maximize the ability to learn? Do those methods work in all areas or are some things better for specific situations?
This is the last goal I want to discuss. Unfortunately, it is not a goal many of us talk about because we are so busy just trying to get through that next spelling test or how to make a passing grade to get to the next topic that it is difficult to analyze what would actually help our own unique children. After the last several years of modifying environments, assignments, and trying numerous things… a pattern has started to emerge. I feel confident that we are on the right track. But my ultimate goal is for her to recognize what works for her and to be able to adjust (regardless of the thing she wants to learn - whether academic or not) - so that she can retain that information in a relatively fast way. We’ll get there… and I know she will know how she learns a whole lot earlier in life than I did.
What are your goals? Do you think I left anything out?
